Isn’t life so much more befuddling when you are unable to fathom what it is you’re actually feeling at any given time, let alone differentiate between emotion. Clarity seems to be off making daisy chains with Security and Rigidity in the calm, dappled sunlight. How selfish of them… Meanwhile, my little metaphorical self is running round and round this oval room of abandon, getting increasingly confused. It is not that there are no doors for me to escape through, away from the silly room of roundness. No, the walls are -covered- in doors. So many opposing shapes, sizes, colours and textures. Though, as soon as I think I have decided on a door to open it will suddenly, inexplicably decide to morph into a different colour. A different shape.
I can’t seem to find where I fit without it being a farce.
It’s mostly my own ridiculous fault. I have so many opportunities that I can leap into and grab by the horn of their big promising bullish faces… But instead of properly sussing the doors out as to where best my talent lies, I seem to be pushing the decisions from my mind and running. Just running, round and round. Anything to take my mind off actually making a decision. Delving deeper into the long winded rut of eating and drinking without thinking. So no proper thinking occurs, really. It’s shoddy and lazy and hindering me from being all that I can.
Yes, this is a bit of a self-indulgent post (‘When is it not!’ I hear you scoff). However, I’m doing it for a purpose – I don’t want to be like this any more. I don’t want to be talking about mind-numbing bullshit into the dead of night to people who don’t know me. I don’t want to be boring people with my own inadequacy, self loathing and sense of doubt about everything. I don’t know what to do, but I’m going to make damn sure I find out.
I want to be sensible. I want to make a decision. I want to make a right one. For me.
Therefore! Manies and Gentlelades, with the help of my mother dearest we have come up with a brilliantly simple way (If we do say so ourselves. Which we jolly well do, thank you very much!) of focusing the self on what you are worth. Take head;
Say to yourself, every morning: Be aware of and erradicate through PAA:
You need to realise your potential before you can move forward chaps! Only you can make it happen, “No bugger else is going to do it for you.” (Words taken from The Mum.) Once you know your potential, realise your ability. You’ve got it, so why the bloody hell are you resting on your haunches still?! Be active, do something to help yourself. Once you have recognized the amazing human being that you are, your attitude will change. You hardly have to even try, attitude is the key driving force to your success. (Fear not, I fully appreciate how horrendously cliché and cringey that sounds, but people never seem to listen to clichés any more.)
Not too hard, eh? *quiver*
So! In my next post I am going to tell you all what I have changed in my life to help me become the person I actually want to be and like, instead of this ludicrous bag of hopelessness I have been behaving like. Yeaaaaayyyy…