Where Did We All Go Wrong..?

When did you tell me to be so shy?
Tell me to keep all I have inside,
All I have hidden away for none to see?
And then you will just walk on by,
With your insults, lies, you chide
My very existence. Please, let me fly

Into a world that you don’t know,
That your mind has no control over.
A crisp, white parchment falls from
The sky, like a leaf, like snow. A Crow
So black, so dark flees into the cover
Of a cove. Oh, what have I become..?

”Oh, right from the start, my fragile heart…”

So long ago, I once thought that all would hence into the place in which they should belong. And every day I feel as though this should be.. As though I should have fallen, gracefully, into my slot. Into that hole. Into the vacant space my limp body should have gently floated..

Oh please! What planet are you on girl?! The things you want, the things you love, the things you feel you should -have- can only come to you if you make it happen.
Make it happen.
The biggest lesson in life. No bugger else is going to make it happen for you.

Every time I go for an audition, an agency casting, or even apply – and I don’t get it – I recede like a frightened ballsack into my own withering body. A hermit, I am. I just can’t help myself, it’s as if my immediate reaction is to become the Ostrich, sink my solemn face deeply into the sand.

All my life I have had people telling me how wonderful I am, how well I performed ‘that part’, how much I captured someone ELSE’S emotion. For a start, I can’t even capture my own. I can’t identify what exactly it is I, personally, am feeling at many a given moment. What, may I ask, is blinking wrong with me?! Merrr…

It’s funny isn’t it, how when we can’t find ourselves, we tend to grab onto another’s life and take it for our own. I have taken this to new levels. It’s no wonder I want to be an actress. The way I feel the need to cling onto some other Shakespearean life and create it in any way I can that isn’t my own, but totally my own. If that makes any sense?..

Probably not..

Although, on a lighter note, I will be writing about the total and complete ORGASM of a Potter (*fangirl moment*) evening I had =D … *silent crying*

Randomness on a really rather small tea-spoon.. Clearly not able to hold enough. Yeah, that. Ex


About nonsensicalhogwash

Fast approaching my first quarter and starting to slightly freak out about my future. So I thought I'd write about it. I want to be an Actress. But, I'm inherently a nerd.
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