Properly started freaking out today. And it was over -such- an incredibly silly thing…
It’ll eat away at your soul and tear you apart, baby.
Your face will turn a horrid shade of green.
Those eyes once so blue
Will have an angry hue.
Don’t let it get you, baby. Don’t let it get you.
Not entirely sure why I just wrote that.. Sound’s a little like an extremely bad pop song. Good. That definitely was what I was aiming for. Ahem. Anywho, yes, that Green Monster creeping up on you from the edges of your heart, encroaching on your heavenly breeze.
I sloth’ed my way home after a tiresome and hard-working day at that place that people call ‘work’, funnily enough! I was feeling like my eyeballs could actually drop forthwith from the sockets in which they are bound from the constant, terrible staring. Staring, staring at a computer screen. I’m a telesales girl you see. The only perk of the job is the fact I get to use my ‘sexy voice’ and flirt with people over the phone. I think I’m pretty good at caressing people into buying pastry and nibbles to be quite frank…
I slowly fell in through the door to have my little sister bounce her excited bottom up to my face and start blabbering, what I can only assume was English, all up in my grill. Now, now, I thought, this is just too much happiness for my little face to handle, what with it growing steadily bitter and cynical by the hour. But of course, a little of her wonderful pleasure seeped into my brittle bones and I brightened up momentarily.
She told me the news that really couldn’t wait for me to take my shoes off and have a wee that I’d been dying for. Her small, clammy hand dragged me over to the sofa as she repeats, ‘Are you listening? I’m going to carry on talking while you take your knickers off… Are you listening?!’ Oh, how I love having a little one. In the most sincere way possible – The way her cherub cheeks glisten with new found electricity really is the most heart warming thing ever.
The story of her day unfolded. She’d been to Stratford-upon-Avon college, where she wants to do Performing Arts, but actually she met the best Head of Drama teacher ever who told her that she clearly has an affinity with music and he could see it straight away and then he took her to the music teacher and they were talking and getting all ecstatic about being all musical and fun they didn’t realise how much time had past. I honestly had to force her to take a breath then, she was turning a slight shade of puce. Although, I think if she -had- of fainted, she would probably started dancing to Tchaikovsky with a penguin suit on. Stories of all the brilliantly talented people that went there. The girl that has just got a £36,ooo course for free because she is so amazing. The acrobat’ing wonderments of this world. Kids half being at college and half being with Sony singing with their magical voices…
And all I could think of is, I want that. How come she always finds the best place for her and I’m always floating around in the middle not knowing where or who I am? Why can’t I be ecstatic? Why can’t I be the one we’re all pleased for?
That was all I could fucking think, for literally 3 minutes. What the actual fuck? Maybe it was because I was tired, maybe it was just because I’m so god damn selfish. But I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it one bit… Enough, I said. Fortunately I rose out of it pretty smartish and told myself to stop being such a complete prick and get over myself. It worked.
And then I got really excited. And I couldn’t stop hugging her. And I couldn’t stop thinking about how bloody ACE she is. One of the -most- talented young artist’s I know, in fact. She is my little bubble of beautiful flowers in a cloud of grey.
Basically, I’m a massive idiot and massive ball of fluff.